A few ah-ha moments come to mind this year. They're mostly small, little, ah-has that make day-to-day life a tad easier. Ah-has such as: I can make car payments at a local, sister, credit union; I can bring knitting and spinning tools on board an aircraft; and Frontline does not require a prescription. Sometimes though, an ah-ha can be quite profound. The one I’ve been thinking about a lot recently is: Forgiveness does not need to include Trust and Friendship.
It really is a very simple idea, and one that many of you have probably already learned. I suppose sometimes the simplest things have the largest effects.
We all have someone who has wronged us in some way. Whether it's on purpose or not. With or without cause, it happens to all of us. When it does, it's up to us to decide where to go next. Do we repair the friendship or let it go? Do we stay angry forever or do we forgive?
Certainly it depends on the size of the wrong, hurt and anger involved, but if the goal is only to move past the anger and not to a point of friendship, then the idea of forgiveness is not so daunting.
This ah-ah is still quite new for me, so I have a lot of work to do in one particular situation. I just wanted to say that it was quite a freeing moment to realize trust and friendship don't have to come along with forgiveness.
Oh my, I struggled with that same thing for years. I labeled it Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation and wrote it on a sticky note above my desk. The note stayed there for several years as I tried to figure it out. I recently ran across that note in a drawer and I sat for a bit thinking about it again, grateful that to have learned that forgiveness doesn't have to mean someone is included back in my life. It certainly is a tough aha to learn.
ReplyDeleteOh my, Tis the season. I've been thinking the same. A very dear friend bought me this book for Christmas, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L Hay. I've been struggling. Anyways, she has an affirmation about forgiveness I'm going to try, "I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free." I am really trying not to obsess over things I can't change. I have to set the person and the situation free. I've done the best I could and was true to myself and have to accept that I can't change the other person. It's hard, especially with friendship. Good luck.
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